A bit of West and a bit of East.

I look forward to Saturdays here in Duc Hoa, these days give me my little bit of the UK. I watch live Premier League football, well it is almost live, there is about a 2 minute delay. It is not guaranteed, like most things in Vietnam, so far the streaming has slowed up too much, so the link drops out and the electric has bit the dust after a storm. The football is shown more than in the UK, it is possible to watch an early kick-off, 12.45, UK time, a 3 o’clock kick-off and if you can keep your eyes open, a late kick-off, 17.30. I have only managed one late kick-off, so far when Sunderland were playing Chelsea, this is when the streaming went tits up, so I missed the second goal and about 15 minutes of the 2^nd half, but I stuck at it, due to Sunderland being in the lead. I put up the BBC live score page, whilst I kept retrying to get the streaming going. How sad is that? It did go to 0-2 whilst it was off and although it was about 1 a.m. here, I’m glad I stuck at it and saw Sunderland’s 3^rd goal. We usually get a good hiding at Stamford Bridge, but this is a phenomenal result. OK OK, no more football. I do get a spring in my step when it is Saturday though. I have tried listening into BBC 5 live, which is OK until there is a live commentary, then it is blocked. The same happened when I tried to watch “Later with Jules”. I’d like to know why it is blocked. Perhaps it is the Vietnamese superstition working against me, telling me to go native and forget the UK. I don’t miss much from the UK and as I am seeing more football here than in the UK, I don’t miss that, although it is different. DEFINITELY ENOUGH FOOTBALL.

Auntie Thuy has come to visit today, with her son, Nam. Kids are the same the world over, if you let them get away with murder, then, happily, they will. He is a little bugger, but a clever one. He runs everyone ragged, well almost everyone. Thuy and Thuong are sisters, but like chalk and cheese, except in looks. Thuy is quiet and likes a laugh. Thuong like to talk, play badminton and get the feeling she will put a spell on you if you cross her, but I get along with both and Thuong is good exercise for me, she is a lot better at badminton than I am, Thuy is pretty good too. Dung is useless.

What a good life it is here, playing badminton bare foot on the lawn in front of the house, before the sun gets too high and hot, whilst avoiding the duck and goose shit. There’s a tap at the side of the house, so it doesn’t really have to be avoided. I wish I could understand Nam, he seems a 2 year old character. We do exchange fives now, which is American really, but seems more childish than a handshake. Aptly.

Tea is duong Dung’s fish again tonight and very nice again too. It is a great occasion, in fact most meals are. Everyone sits around on the tiled kitchen floor with the food laid out inside the family circle. The rice is seated at the head of the circle, if such a place exists and is dished out, usually by one of the ladies, as a person empties their bowl and the rest is dig in time, except where the choicest bits of food are concerned, that is Vietnamese choicest, e.g. fish heads and tails, chicken’s feet and heads, the internal organs of whatever, these tasty delicacies are usually dished out to the senior members by the children, or younger members. It is a sign of respect, I guess and love. They have learned not to send them in my direction. Some things I don’t mind, but chickens feet are hard work for little gain, as far as I can see, but I am probably wrong. The same goes for fish heads, there is not a lot of meat there. I think the eyes are quite prized too. It is the belief that if you eat brains, you will become brainier, or eat liver and it increases the health of your liver. Now I know how our Mick is so brainy. The rest of us must have been deprived for his sake. PHEW.

There is a strong movement within Vietnam, well at least within this family, to get Gil fat, or keep him as fat as he is. Everyone tries to stuff more food in my bowl and encourage me to eat more bowls of rice, even drink more beer. I don’t understand where my urge to drink beer goes, when we come here, but it is not so great as when in the UK. Not a bad thing I guess. I don’t need encouraging to eat cake though, that desire has not dissipated. I often sit on the veranda, at night, with a pot of tea and a piece of cake, my laptop or a book or both. The kids don’t come around so much as last time we were here, so far only one double visit in one night, the first for a laugh and to take the mickey out of the Brit and the second to learn a bit of English. They are very keen, especially Luom, the lad from next door. I got the laptop out with my Vietnamese lessons and tried to use them, they were chuffed to be using the laptop, more than learn English I think. One late arrival was giang ho, a very popular saying here. The dictionary says “errant”, which is probably close, but the usage is wider, anyone who bucks any kind of normality or tradition seems to get the giang ho tag. It is used in a very comely manner mostly. I use it if I hurt myself and am asked if it hurts, my reply is “No way, I’m giang ho” This usually gets a laugh. Most of us probably have some giang ho in us. Anyway back to the late arrival, he was trying to mess with the keyboard and mouse, so I gave him a slap and a “dung” (don’t) that curtailed his actions and the other kids marshalled him afterwards. He is a good young ‘un too, just likes a bit of fuss, not so giang ho after all.

Getting back to the family gathering, all the washing up is done and Luan chipped in here, I think this will be a one off, but hopefully not. It is not the done for men to wash up in Vietnam. Luan just used it as an excuse to stand next to Tu and have a bit of body contact without too much supervision. Tu fusses over Luan like a mother hen, it must be love, but Luan is a bit more distant, shy under anyone’s gaze, but I did see him put his arm around her waist when he escorted her back to her moto to head off back to work. Luan is at college in HCMC, but whenever he is at home Tu turns up for dinner and tea. She will walk in from work, at dinner time, usually with some food in the form of vegetables, herbs or fruit and put them down and start to wash up, or if all that has been done, she’ll sweep the floor. I think she is trying to encourage Luan to get married. She will move in here from her parents once they are married. She will be a definite bonus for Nu around here, she won’t have to do much house work, as that is Nu domain and she won’t release it. Tu works hard too, not only at work, but at home too. Her parents run a temple and Tu puts more than a full shift in there, before and after work. She doesn’t begrudge it, she has a strong belief and follows most of the Vietnamese suspicions etc, as far as I can see. People having hard times get a bit of refuge in the temple, a few nights bed and board for free and some help to put them back where they belong. Tu helps a lot of these people out, sneaking them extra food and giving money for transport to family members elsewhere in Vietnam. Typical are people who have lost their homes locally, but have families elsewhere in Vietnam, or people who are poorly and have nobody to look after them. I am told, it is a rare occurrence for a temple to give such assistance. The temple came about from Tu’s grandmother, who was the wife of a high ranking and famous Viet Cong. She used some of their wealth to build and establish the temple. It has become a family legacy, promised to be continued. The family are very rich and very able to run the temple, but it is not a ball and chain, from what I have seen, it is a labour of love and the place is very well respected by at least the local people, but probably further afield, due to Tu Granddad’s fame. He has parks and main roads all over Vietnam named after him. For completeness, his name is Vo Van Tan.

And that is this one complete.

Bat ca. Netting Uncle Dung netting his pond.

5^th Nov – Up pretty sharpish and the plan is to go to the market to buy food for tonight, auntie Thay and Uncle Binh are coming later, BUT I went out onto the veranda and had a brew and was summoned to the pond over the road that belongs to Uncle Dung. Today, he will bac ca, net the pond. Sounds like something worth watching so I wandered over and was called into the table in the shade, nestled by the ruou still, which is just behind the pig sty, which are flushed into the pond that is being netted. In this hive of potential activity, I was poured the welcome glass of tea, it comes in a shot glass, the glasses don’t get washed between uses and they get lots of use, but it didn’t kill me last time we were here. I never really thought about it at the time. I must be going native. There is quite a crowd gathering, as usual. It is a great custom here to sit and watch anything that is going on, there’s lots of chat, lots of tea drunk and a good laugh. There are shed loads of cigarettes smoked too. It is a good atmosphere, lots of laughing and comings and goings.

There are 3 lads in the pond heaving the net around. I haven’t worked out how the fish don’t swim underneath it. I reckon that is a question for uncle Dung over a coffee sometime. The net is dragged all the way around the outside of the pond, mostly by a lad in a car tyre inner tube. I thought he used it because he wasn’t such a good swimmer, but it is a great floatation device. For work on the net, he has 2 hands free and doesn’t have to tread water, very clever. He has a sun hat on and at one point was swimming along in the middle of the pond with a fag in his mouth. That definitely made me smile. The lads turn up with the net and a compressor and then acquire poles used to support the net from the surrounding trees. They require a bigger, sturdy pole, so Duong Ba disappears home, about 20 metres away, reappears with his machete and wanders off around the pond to find a likely tree, get one and hacks of a huge branch, trims it and drags it back for the lads. He is always a willing helper, he’s about 58 and there’s not an ounce of fat on him. He’s a little bit ruou crazy, which drives his missus and sons daft, but if something needs doing, there’s no doubt he is a good first port of call.

I am not sure why the lads have the compressor. It has a long tube attached and one of the lads in the water carries it all the time. It looks as though he sometimes uses it to scare the fish back into the net and sometimes like he uses it to breath underwater, he often has it in his mouth. That is another question for another cup of coffee with uncle Dung.

As the net is dragged around the outside of the pond and gets back to the start, it is slowly drawn in and so the fish start topping big time. Poles and string are added to help draw it in. Meanwhile the 2 lorries have turned up to transport the fish. Uncle Dung reckons about 1000 Kg and he netted it about 9 months ago, so not a bad return. He does feed the fish between times too.

The 2 wagons have some tarpaulins thrown out the back. For the nets to be wrapped in, I thought. It shows how stupid I am. There is a water pump too, which I thought would be to fill the barrels to transport the fish. It shows how stupid I am.

The tarpaulins are spread out in the back of the wagons and are about 3 ply. The water is then pumped into them, so the wagons have a fish pond in the back and the fish are thrown in to them. Ca yo, up to about 5Kg, they look like a little freshwater shark and ca hung in the other, they are a beautiful looking pink fish similar to a gourami, but now feelers and up to about 500 grams. I can tell you from the tea we ate later that ca yo is my favourite of the 2. It is more chunkier meat, a bit like tuna, but not so dry. The ca hung is smaller, more compressed meat, along the lines of trout, but both are lovely. I suppose it depends on how they are cooked too. Dung is a good cook, she rarely throws together a bad meal. She was taught by her mother-in-law from her first marriage, she was then up cooking her breakfast at 4.30 most days. Often, a daughter-in-law can be treated like a servant. They usually move in with their husband, alongside his parents.

Back to the Bat Ca. Whilst the wagons fill up, the lads sort the fish out, as they have been collected into a small area of the net now. The smaller ones are thrown back and the ones of another species are thrown back too, unless someone claims them. Uncle Dung is a very generous man, he must have given away at least 100Kg of fish. His siblings just come along and help themselves and it seems customary to give all the local people a few too. One man tried to leave without any and Uncle Dung called him back to give him some, but he refused in the end. Binh came over and grabbed a few large fish for his little pond, to be caught and eaten later. I saw them topping in the pone and didn’t know he had done this. I didn’t know either, that they stopped topping because a lady came along and fished his pond, taking her catch home with her. Nu saw her, but didn’t stop her. I think it is an accepted fact that if the pond isn’t specifically for growing fish or walled in, then the fish within are fair game.. I bet they were tasty.

The lads doing the work had a quick sluice with a hose pipe from the pig farmer and sat down for their dinner and a few smokes, Well deserved too. Half an hour, maximum and they were back in the pond crowding the fish into a smaller area. The crowd which had dwindled dramatically after the initial activity soon reappeared, as this is the gizit time, for free. The lads hand out the fish into plastic baskets and the ca hung and ca yo are separated and weighed, around 30 Kg per basket, then thrown in the back of the relevant truck. The lads wear gloves, perhaps it is easier to grab the fish with these, they just natter away as they pull the fish out of the net, not looking at what they are doing, which is pretty clever. The only time that I handled a ca yo, it spiked me, they have some sharp tangs on their gill outlets. It drew blood, but I had the last laugh, we ate it for tea.

I had done a double stint of watching and chatting and drinking tea and generally doing nothing, so I meandered off home, com and ngu time, eat and nap, the customary dinner time activities. I almost didn’t make it though, we had to go past a table of blokes getting stuck in to some food especially prepared from the fish and for eating with ruou. I got the invite to sit and drink as always, but I used my fluent Vietnamese to tell them Dung had bought some hu tieu for me. I got a collective stare that said “What the bloody hell is he talking about. Better let him go, he could be hard work.” That actually isn’t the truth, the invitation was reiterated several times, but I smiled and kept walking with a “khong cam on”, thank you but no thanks. The ruou tends to get a bit too much, but it doesn’t stop them staggering over to their motos and heading for home. I think driving a moto is 2^nd nature to them, like walking. Anyway, it was hu tieu and a nap.

And so to Vietnam.

4^th November 2010 – it’s a long journey, but we were met by some of Dung’s family at the airport in a minibus.

I never knew there is an hour difference between Malaysia and Vietnam, so we arrived about an hour before we were expected, but by the time we came out the minibus had arrived, Nu, Dung’s Mam, would have been getting them shifted early, she never slept last night, she’s been getting more and more excited as our arrival neared. We came out and everyone was calling me fat, at least those that came to meet us. Nu checked out my arms , squeezing them as I gave her a hug, I believe this is an obligatory thing to do for old fashioned Vietnamese, to see how much meat you have on your bones. They were all very excited and chatty, except Luan, the brother-in-law who wandered off with the trolley, he doesn’t like too much fuss and being of a similar vein/vane/vain, I joined him. He’s a good lad, a little bit shy, but handsome, judging by the way the women check him out and chat to him.

We piled into the minibus and headed off. Luan headed off on the moto, I think he preferred it that way, he was a little under the weather due to self inflicted injury from a bottle of ruou (rice wine), I suspect. He was ordered to pick up some chom chom (rambutan) on the way home and so duly did so, but he got grief for picking some that also had a hangover, at least they looked that way. He got the order because I said they were one of my favourite fruits of Vietnam in some dark, distant, past moment.

It was good to drive through Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC), I think I had started to take it for granted before, but now it is good to be back and see the very Vietnamese looking streets and traffic. Moto crazy city, it should be called, although there are more cars than I noticed last time. Since we left a few people have said that HCMC has more cars than Hanoi, so I checked it out and they may be right, but I am not sure.

We came back along a road that was a nightmare to drive on the moto, but the ever present roadworks are no longer, so this may be the way to go to HCMC in the future.

Unloaded from the minibus and a flood of visitors came in to greet us, Dung was ripping the luggage open to dish out the presents, trashing the bedroom in the process, for a lass who didn’t want to come back, she if very excited, it is good to see. At one time I think she spoke for about 20 minutes without taking a breath. Nu is very casual about it all, but her eyes are sparkling with happiness. Binh’s eyes were sparkling at the airport, but that was because he was crying, he’s a soft arse. I think he was one of the milder Viet Cong.

All the rooms in the house seemed to be bristling with visitors, so I took a seat out on the veranda, it is all too much attention for me after a long haul. I didn’t get to sit alone for long, the terrible identical twins, Y and Huyen came to give me some company. Today Huyen is good cop and Y is bad cop, I think these are the roles they prefer. I do like them, but they know how to wear out their welcome fast, most days. They were good company today, giving me kisses and cuddles every so often, Y did start off though by digging her nails into my arms, I think she is the bugger of the pair, although little bugger is a good description for each of them.

Auntie Thuong had stayed at home to cook chau ga, a chicken broth, sort of porridge with rice and chicken being the main ingredients. It is traditional to have chau when someone comes back home, but I don’t know why yet. There was binh chanh too, roll your own rice paper spring rolls, with pork and different herbs and veg to roll into them. It was all very delicious and not a glass or ruou in sight.

Auntie Thuong made a brief sortie out of the kitchen to give us a big smile and welcome, then she was back to business, she did get plenty of company not too far down the line as the natter moved around the house and she was involved in the hours of chat around the luggage.

The food is very good here, super tasty.

After some food and a shower, we went off on the customary visits to the uncles and aunties in the local group of houses, although they are very loosely grouped. First to see the paternal grandparents, Granddad is confined to a bed unless somebody transfers him to his wheelchair for a trip out, he’s had a stroke, about 4 years ago. Next up was Co Tu, Auntie number 4, she has had a new house built since we were here last and is very proud of it, dragging me around to see it, she has also been blessed with a grandson since we left, although it is with her giang ho ( the dictionary says it means errant) son, he’s not too bad a lad, but needs to get responsible now he is a husband and Dad. She used to live in a palm leaf thatched house, it did the job, but this does it better. Her and her husband sell Hu Tieu on the afternoon market. Hu Tieu is a noodle broth come soup with pork, lumps of congealed blood and other bits and pieces in and it is delicious. They prepare it in the morning, then hook up the cart to the moto early afternoon and head for the market. They work hard. Duong Ba, Uncle number 3, was the next stop, he was leathered on ruou and pulled out a couple of cans of beer, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and I obliged with drinking one and it was very welcome too. The Number 3’s have had a new house built too, since we were last here, it is very typical Vietnamese, very practical and simple. They have 3 bedrooms, one for each son and Uncle sleeps on the floor in the front room and auntie in the kitchen, on the floor, except for moments of passion, I guess. Uncle Number 3 is the bloke I probably get along with best, he’s loud when he’s had a few, but it is easy to relax with him, drunk or not and he tries to help me all the time, but I got it across that sometimes it is best not to be hanging onto my arm. I managed to get Duong Ba not to give me anymore beer and we set off to our last visit, his daughters, he was going to bed, but changed his mind and picked up the beers, deciding to come with us, OH OH. His son-in-law doesn’t drink or smoke, which was a blessing in disguise, he was an ally in my fight not to drink anymore. I’ll have a session one day, when it all comes together. Dung disappeared into the back of the house to stop being mythered by Uncle 3 to translate for him. Xim and Thieng, the couple we are visiting had to leave their last house, which went with the land they were working. This is their new place, built on uncle Dang’s land, next to uncle Dung’s pond and across from our house. It’s not much to look at but the Vietnamese can make the best of a bad job and this is certainly better than their last place, which uncle Hiep took back. Happy families.

And so home, well and truely knackered. I’ll sleep well tonight.

A bit of background.

List of players and a few words explained for reference and ease of typing for me. (Liable to update.)
The spelling on some of these may be incorrect. Nobody’s fault but mine. They are also missing the speech marks,which cause me great difficulty when trying to learn and speak Vietnamese.

Dung – my wife.









Nu – the mother-in-law.






Binh – the father-in-law.








Luan – the brother-in-law.








Tu – brother-in-law’s girlfriend.

Ong Noi – Paternal granddad.
Ba Noi – Paternal grandma.

Co Ba – Auntie number 3.

Duong Ba – Uncle number 3.

Meo, Khai, Huan – Number 3’s sons.

Sim – their daughter.
Co Tu – Auntie number 4.
Duong Tu – Uncle number 4.
Teo – Number 4’s son.
Nhi – their daughter.
Chu Dang – Uncle Dang.
Phuc – Uncle Dang’s son.
Chu Dung – Uncle Dung.
Y and Huynh – Uncle Dung’s identical twin daughters.
Chu Hiep – Uncle Hiep.
Thiem Trang – Auntie Chanh.
B and Nhu – their son and daughter.
Co Ut – Auntie Ut.
Duong Ut/Xin – Ut’s husband.
Chanh and An ¬ - their son and daughter.
Cau Non – Uncle Nong.
Di Thuong – Auntie Thuong.
Duong Cuong – Thuong’s husband.
Di Thuy – Auntie Thuy.
Duong Binh – Uncle Binh, Thuy’s husband.
Nam – their son.

Some inside information, again liable to my misinterpretation.
Paternal grandparents are always called Ong and Ba Noi.
Maternal grandparents are always called Ong and Ba Ngoai.
Their children are given a number by birth and sometimes called by the that number, hence Auntie number 3. The first child is number 2, DON’T ASK ME. If a child dies at birth or whenever, it retains that number. The last child is known as Ut, as well as their given name.
Paternal siblings are called, by nieces and nephews, Chu and Thiem for the male siblings and their wife and Co and Duong for the female siblings and their husbands.
Maternal siblings, uncles and aunties are Cau and Mo and for the male and for the female, auntie is Di and Duong for the uncles.
It gets much more complicated than this, but I don’t understand it enough, or have the time to explain, I have a life to live. Suffice to say, at a family gathering it may be possible to work out the family tree, including seniority. Perhaps I’ll add a little bit more when I understand it more. Don’t hold your breath.